Thursday, July 06, 2006

First Blogg.

I want to admit that the more the person becomes confident and blatant in his personality the more he gets scared of presenting himself at places he is not used to. Experimentation and the enthusiasm of taking risks somehow convert into calculated planning and evaluation of behaviors.
Something similar happened with me when I thought to present myself as someone’s presented to people by her writings and not what she says. I, a person who thinks have invested much to embellish my confidence in verbal and communication skills, presenting and handling myself in odd positions in private and practical endeavors, was fully scared to even write a few words to get them published, That is why ithink blogging is much better idea.
Without stretching it too much let me explain briefly about whom I am and what in the coming few days I would be writing about. I m a person who believes the best way to acquire knowledge is by observation. And the biggest challenge for a person like me is to Confess. So when I m taking this step to explore another side of my personality as in writing I m quite reluctant in seeing myself in an odd situation though I want to put myself at a distance where I can confess blatantly about the issues which are surrounding me, and I believe almost many young woman like me from childhood to adolescence, being a loving daughter to a hard head working woman.
I need to write a series of confessions, which must not be misunderstood by regrets. I think confession is a very positive and a very humanly attitude. It’s a simple remedy to keep one’s feet on ground.
And now when I m taking myself in a role which is very easy to be heard and read and far more difficult to utter myself, I need to clear some associated terms in my mind very clearly. I need to ask a few questions to myself as what is being guilty, why its hard to be honest with one’s self, what is conscience, what takes it to satisfy with a regret and then the most important who measures certain acts as guilty and certain as honest and moral? Believing on the fact that life doesn’t follow rules of complete good and ultimate bad, black an white, extreme directions of good and bad, I might be putting myself into greater test while believing that life follows the moderate rules of nature where everything is happening at its turn of cycle and ultimate results are never ultimate but relative.
Because of this reason I might be scratching too much old times gone when I did wrong justified it for the time being and the chapter was buried in me forever. It might have hurt my conscience for sometime but the nature of cycle and my superb human psychology found out a brighter aspect in it and justified it. So the bad at once became gray, may be dark Gray and not white but mixed in gray.
By telling abut myself in this way so far some of the readers must have gone very bored thinking why the hell someone could be interested in a mid aged woman’s simple experiences and confession. What I believe dear reader, something lacking in us with very swift pace of life and nature and that is being human, our demarcations of human morals are blurring very easily but quite rapidly. Considering myself as an entity in God’s made nature who have to play his role by being human in nature, I m up to this battle of digging out my old guilty consciences is because of the only some simple reasons. One I believe I am a very ordinary person who presents problems and situations almost every girl face at some time in her life. Other than this is I believe in the power of media not because of spreading messages and information but giving people glimpses of relating themselves in other people’s situation. We, like in many movies we can relate ourselves in situation. we observe about those situations some how those ideas get embedded in our unconsciousness, the similar I believe goes to the media we know as print with whom my intention is one to make myself in a test to confess, being odd ugly and unjustified to morals this is me the human and there is still so much positive about it and other is to present myself to people for observation, commenting and relating themselves with it. As we think the first step of being positive about life is to identify one’s problems within one ‘self and one starts really enjoying and taking pride in what ever he /she is by confessing or even identifying the bad (even not wrong at that time or even later) it means that the problem was identified. This identification leads to a very positive attitude and the personality of one’s self would fascinates itself while again in that situation. That Is the core essence of confession, I believe is the key of being positive and loving about our own selves, considering our personalities as human and part pf nature is, by not hiding and burying our problems and guilty conscience under lame justifications but to look at them as problems and think positive to solve them. And the best tool I think is confession by which some major issues are solved just by speaking them up loudly.